Cheating In A Relationship

It used to be that if you were 'going steady' with a girl, being seen out with another woman was enough to raise the wrong eyebrows. "

Infidelity in a marriage is pretty cut and dried, and most people would agree that it’s categorically unjustified. So unjustified, in fact, that for a while, it was the only legitimate reason for the courts to grant you a divorce. Cheating outside of marriage, however, seems like a different animal altogether, or it should be in theory. But it isn’t, or at least we don’t treat it like it is.

Most people I know in my age group have either cheated or been cheated on. I know I’m “lucky” enough to have been a part of both. The best part about it is that no one in these situations behaves rationally. If you’re the one cheating, it’s always something other than your fault. You were drunk, you were lonely, you weren’t being paid enough attention, etc. Anything other than you having made a conscious decision to sleep with someone other than the person who is under the impression that you aren’t sleeping with anyone but them.

That’s OK, though, because if you’re the one being cheated on, you’ll usually act just as crazy. Rather than lash out at (or even better, break up with) your significant other, you focus your ire on that other person: That whore, that raging dickhead, that scum of the earth who dared take advantage of your sweetheart. It doesn’t make any sense. The one time I was (knowingly) cheated on happened many years ago, and even though I neither know nor care to know where either of them are at this stage in life, I still irrationally feel like I owe the guy a solid ass-kicking, with years of interest tacked on. It’s silly, because he didn’t really do anything other than have the gall to violate the sanctity of…

What constitutes cheating, anyway?

Of what? That’s the thing about relationships that aren’t marriage. They’re essentially nothing, not in the eyes of the law and not in the eyes of any God that I know of. I don’t think people are helping the situation any either. Between an increasingly permissive social attitude toward noncommittal sex and young people’s willingness to explore less traditional routes to courtship and marriage, what exactly constitutes a relationship (and cheating, for that matter) is increasingly unclear. 

Mind you, I think people are just as capable of telling right from wrong, but when the lines that define the parameters are blurred, it’s a lot easier to justify your wrongdoings. It used to be that if you were “going steady” with a girl, being seen out with another woman was enough to raise the wrong eyebrows. Nowadays, it’s OK because, “You know, she’s just a girl I’m kind of seeing, just like this other girl I’m dating except we’ve talked about moving in together. No, not her -- we just hook up every so often. The other one.” 

I don’t think it should surprise anyone that infidelity is so rampant when people of both genders are taking such a cavalier approach to dating and relationships.

But even if you’re taking a more conventional route, I don’t think it’s necessarily any easier. Cheating doesn’t have to be an issue of temptation or mistreatment. I believe it can simply be an issue of boredom. As they reach adulthood, both women and men are given ever-more effective tools for helping them systematically decide what they want and don’t want out of life, and as such we’re becoming increasingly picky. This is great in many ways, but it puts a lot of demands on the opposite sex to meet the parameters of our perceived entitlement.

It’s not enough anymore for a man to be attractive, successful and committed. Those are table stakes at this point. Instead, we expect a potential love interest to be unique, to be interesting. Paradoxically, the increased availability of information allows for us to expand our horizons while simultaneously serving to homogenize us. As I sit writing this, I’m listening to a group of guys talk about how they’re preparing for their next triathlon.

How should you keep yourself interested?

Five or six years ago, I might have thought, “Wow, that’s neat. I’ve never met anyone who’s done a triathlon.” Instead, I’m sitting here thinking “Wow, real original.” We have a world of new information and activities at our fingertips, but the downside of this is that so does everyone else. While it’s great fun to find a group of people who share your passion for craft brewing or exerting yourself for seemingly no reason, it makes it a lot harder to stand out in the crowd.

Hell, maybe there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. It’s hard to find enjoyment in life’s simple pleasures when there’s a nearly infinite amount of different possibilities or circumstances that you can imagine yourself in. I think that’s an important thing to keep in mind, whether you’re married or just starting a relationship: Always leave them wanting more. If you keep a little mystery about you, it’s hard to be boring when your partner always feels like the best is yet to come.
original source
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