Tips for After the First Date

Be honest after a first date to open yourself up to the possibility of a relationship.
First dates can either leave you looking to see the person a second time or hoping to never see the person again. Whatever your experience, it is important to behave politely after the first date, whether or not you had a good time. The way you act after that first meeting can make or break a relationship, so you need to be prepared to be kind and receptive in order to see the other person for another date.
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• Open Yourself Up to Future Dates

Let your date know you enjoyed the time together before ending the date. You can call to thank him within the days following the date to let him know you are interested in seeing him again. Call once and allow him to contact you afterwards. He will contact you if interested. Try to avoid coming across as needy or moving too fast and remember that you barely know each other and it may make the other person uncomfortable if you act too comfortable too soon. Avoid acting as if you need or miss him; instead, just respond with an interested tone and be friendly when he contacts you.

• Make Plans for Another Date

If your date appears to be interested, you can ask to make the second date. Sometimes a date may be confused about whether or not you are interested and may hold back on asking for another date. If he's given you signs that he's interested in the days following your date, such as initiating phone calls or text messages to talk to you, ask him if he'd like to go out again. Let him know which days you are available and ask him which day works for him for a second date.

• Don't Set Expectations Too Soon

Remember that you've just started dating the person and it may be too soon to jump to conclusions or set expectations. Even if you got along well, people often put their guard up and act a certain way until they are more comfortable around someone. If he's said something you don't agree with, let him know. He may be nervous and just trying to be funny, or saying what they think you'd like to hear. Often, telling your date that you didn't like what he said can help him learn what to avoid saying in the future.


It helps to avoid daydreaming about the future or setting expectations after the first date. Perhaps you can see yourself getting serious with this person, but maybe they are looking for something different. Go into the beginning of a relationship with low expectations, and build your goals with the person when things become more serious. Otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment if they turn out to be different than you thought they were.

• Move On If It Doesn't Work Out

If your date makes it clear that he didn't enjoy the date and isn't interested in seeing you again, move on. Sometimes, people feel as though they can somehow convince their dates to become interested and see them again. Such attempts usually push the other person away and make you come across as needy. First impressions are important, and if someone makes up his mind about you on the first date it will be difficult to change that impression. It is best in these situations to move on and meet new people to go on dates with.

• Be Polite in All Situations

If you didn't enjoy the first date, try to politely let the other person know that you don't want to go out again. If you barely know him, you can kindly tell him that you just didn't feel a connection. You may wish to tell him the exact reason you don't want to see him again, but sometimes it is nicer to just spare his feelings if you don't feel that your words will help him somehow. You can politely email or phone him to let him know that you had a good time but aren't interested in building a relationship with him. It is best to do this over the phone instead of in person to avoid any confrontation with the person that you've just met.


Original Source
http://www.ehow.com/info_7913952_tips-after-first-date.html

What's Your Least Favorite Look On A Guy?

My old roommate once bought a leather jacket that was sold out of the trunk of some guy's car in the streets of New York.  It was an "Armani" jacket.  But upon closer examination, the tag read:  "Armandi".  Some guys don't care enough about what they wear.  Sometimes they'll just buy whatever from wherever.  I'm in the middle of a wardrobe upgrade.  It's a long and painful process.  As Autumn approaches, I see a glimmer of hope because I seem to look best in sweaters and jeans. 

I hear women complain all the time about what their guy wears.  They'll say it's "unfortunate" that he's such a bad dresser, but they get over it.  But, are there things that guys wear that you just can't deal with?  I've listed some possibilities below:

Mandals

Don't get mandals confused with flip flops or any other kind of non-controversial sandal.  Mandals, AKA men's sandals, have to be obnoxious enough to make you do a double take and question whether the guy should be wearing them.  I've never worn any kind of sandal/mandal in my life. 

Wife Beaters

These are sleeveless, ribbed, form-fitting undershirts.  But sometimes, guys don't use them as undershirts.  They are worn as actual shirts with jeans or shorts.  I've never worn one, but I know people that bust them out sometimes.  They are polarizing, so I'm wondering what you think of them.

Capri Pants

There's no way I can get away with those male capri pants.  Aren't capri pants for girls?  I'm simply not secure enough to pull them off.  I'll never do well wearing something that was originally designed for women. 

Turtle Necks

I see no place for turtle necks either, unless I'm critiquing art in the West Village in the late '60's.  Well, I guess they are good for keeping your neck warm during the winter months.  But, really, there must be a better use for that extra fabric used to make a regular shirt into a turtle neck.

Skinny Jeans

Yes, I try to wear skinny jeans.  It is a huge battle that I have with my body that is too big to fit in the jeans, and those jeans that mock me as I split them while trying to get into them.  If I am lucky enough to get into them, I'm usually "adjusting" throughout the evening and figuring out how to sit down without splitting fabric.  But, boy do I feel like I look good in them!

His Favorite Thing That You Hate

Guys have plenty of things that they insist on wearing that drive their girlfriends nuts.  My buddy Bryan insists on keeping (and wearing) a huge velour puke-green shirt.  And, I think he loves it because he busts it out for important social events.  It's a conversation starter as people struggle to understand what material he's wearing.  His girlfriend just sighs, and tells me secretly that it's a shameful and unnattractive shirt.

Styles

Full styles can fail too: preppy, the sport coat with jeans, an "urban" look, punk, goth or hipster.

Do any of the above looks or articles of clothing bother you on guys?  What article of clothing or style is a deal breaker for you?  What piece of clothing would you elimiate from your boyfriend/husband's wardrobe if you could?

Original Source 
http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/men/bad-mens-fashion

How to Change Your Feelings About Anything That Stops You

I had a conversation with a friend the other day.

I was struggling with how I was feeling about a particular situation. My feelings were strong and I was making choices based on these feelings that I didn't like very much. This kept happening over and over and I was starting to get frustrated with myself. I was starting to feel like a butterfly captured in a net.

Have you ever felt that way? Are you ever overwhelmed by feelings you wish you didn't have and make choices you wish you hadn't made? Do you want to stop both these feelings and the choices?

I will tell you how to do both in a moment. But first, let me tell you what happened to me. As my friend and I were talking about my feelings, and as he was telling me how best to cope with them, I had a huge insight. I realized my feelings were not mine at all, and that because of that I didn't have to act on them. I was free, no longer having to take any action I did not fully choose.

Let me explain. Contrary to popular belief, feelings don't just happen to us. Feelings are a direct result of an internal conversation, which is often so subtle, quick and quiet we don't even know it's there. We say something to ourselves as a reaction to external stimuli and those words create a reaction inside of us - feelings.

External stimuli, real or perceived #32; >>>> #32; thoughts and words to self #32; >>>> #32; feelings

Let me show you an example. Go to the mirror and look at yourself. Now say something very negative about your weakest attribute. Keep saying it. OK, how do you feel? You may have started to feel sad, angry, or frustrated, or started promising yourself to make changes.

Now, say something very positive about your best attribute, and say it as many times as you said the negative words. OK, how do you feel now? You may feel brighter, lighter, more like smiling and being kind.

You see, you just created your own feelings. This is what happens to us constantly - we have feelings as a result of giving messages to ourselves. Now, not all feelings need to be changed. What if you are having feelings that stop you from taking the action you want to take to have a better life and more love?

For example, what if you want to lose weight, but dieting makes you feel depressed or deprived and then you seem to have no control over making poor food choices. Or, what if you have feelings of being too scared or too depressed to meet new people and so you end up alone? What do you do then?

Listen for the messages you are speaking to yourself which create your feelings. Examine and understand the origin of these messages. Choose whether you want to continue to listen to these messages or to dismiss them as not reflecting who you are any longer. Chances are that the messages in your head are not even your thoughts. Someone could have told you that love doesn't last. Or someone told you that true love is hard to find. Or that the way to keep a relationship is to give up on what you want.

Alternatively, you could have created your own message as a result of misperceiving a situation, or to keep yourself safe. Of course, a message designed to keep you safe that instead makes you miserable has outlived its validity.

The messages you could be saying to yourself are as individual as you are, and yet if they are creating feelings you don't want you can:

• Catch the message and you will catch the root of your feelings
• Stop the message by identifying the origin of it - where you got it, why you started saying it to yourself - and you will stop the feelings from returning
• Dispute the validity of the message, every time you hear it in your head, and you will find freedom to act you as you choose, according to what YOU want and need

Of course, with freedom of action will come different results - love, happiness, peace...whatever you might want. 

Original Source

http://www.singlescafe.net/perceived-feelings.html

Are long-distance relationships healthy?

Once upon a time, boy met girl at a club, the office, or through close friends. Today, many homegrown love stories are becoming nostalgic relics of the past. As it becomes more difficult to fit socializing time into our busy lives, singles are looking further afield for romance andrelationships. Facebook flings, email liaisons, and flirtations sparked during vacations or business trips—it's common to know someone in the throes of the agony and ecstasy that only a long-distance affair can bring. But are these exhilarating romances bad for our health?

At first glance, a long-distance relationship appears full of excitement, but the stress of dealing with the unknown, and putting one’s life on hold until you’re together again can cause all sorts of health upsets, both emotionally and physically. Toronto marriage counsellor Beth Mares says that there are pros and cons to such a union. "For some people, a long-distance relationship is easier," says Mares. "Some individuals need a lot of space, and don’t have the self-assurance to establish [that need] when they’re living with someone." She also notes that people who value their careers above relationships find geographically challenged dalliances ideal, as they don’t compete with their job for attention.

However, "most people aren’t satisfied with that," says Mares. "Most are pretty anxious to get together." While the more independent-minded or career-driven might like this arrangement, many people find the negatives strongly outweigh any advantages. The ultimate goal is for both parties to leave behind the long distance love story, and unite in the same city.

Avoiding "the dating effect"

When time and money cooperate, the best tonic to keep love alive across the miles is being together. While couples relish the thrill of ecstatic reunions, Mares warns against getting carried away with "the dating effect," where partners wine and dine each other during their short spell together, but fail to deal with the real issues of real life. "A long-distance relationship can often mask a situation that won’t work," she says.

Couples should enjoy the romance of their situation, but also discuss the issues that all must face: where to live, opinions on finances and religion, and most importantly, whether they both want kids. For many, that biological clock is ticking—loudly. "In some cases they’re waiting to have children," says Mares. "They need to find out [how their partner feels about kids], otherwise they have to find someone else."

Distance can sour these relationships when even one missed phone call sets off all sorts of suspicion and worry. As a result, trust and commitment issues grow unchecked, and unhealthy obsessive behavior—such as leaving repetitive phone messages—can be unleashed. "If you notice these things happening, there’s a problem," says Mares. "It tends to escalate. If one person gets needy, the other might distance themselves. One might have doubts whether [this relationship] is right for them."

How to make a long-distance relationship work

The key to avoiding destructive actions or thoughts is to keep the relationship on track. It takes plenty of effort, but the results speak for themselves. Maintaining the lines of healthy communication between in-person visits is a breeze with today’s social media.Twitter, Facebook, instant messaging (IM) and Skype make connecting with one another easy and affordable. Mares recommends that couples, "find out how they spent their day," and not treat each conversation as a happy-go-lucky extension of a date. Like all successful, healthy relationships, a solid foundation based on the day-to-day sharing of each other’s triumphs and failures is key. 


Consequently, it’s no surprise that if couples don’t communicate fully, their health will begin to suffer. The stress that results from worries over fidelity, trust and where the union is heading can manifest into sleeplessness, weight loss, anxiety and evendepression. While these ailments are concerning, Mares states that there’s no data to suggest that they are dangerous, or life-threatening, but they could facilitate a permanent break-up.

From long-distance to long-term relationship

Ultimately, Mares says, it’s imperative for the health of the couple and their relationship to eventually live together in the same locale to see if their bond can survive normal daily pressures. "It’s not like a weekend where you’re devoted to each other and then longing for each other the rest of the week," she says. "Things might be different when you live together. You need to find out if it’s going to work."

It’s encouraging that marriages following distant courtships have the same success rate as unions established in the same area code—provided they don’t rush down the aisle as soon as they cohabitate. "If they move in together first and it works well," says Mares. "[The future marriage] would work as well as any other marriage.

Original Source

http://www.besthealthmag.ca/embrace-life/relationships/are-long-distance-relationships-healthy

How To Act On A First Date

First dates can be social minefields. Nerves and expectations run high as you both avoid awkward silences and painfully bad jokes. You have to tread a fine line between seeming too interested (read: desperate) and too aloof. If you like your date, you might find yourself agonizing over whether she feels the same; if you don't like her, you might find it a struggle to get through dinner. Either way, be respectful and be yourself. You may find yourself with a new partner or friend




Instructions

1. • 1
     Show up on time. Nothing is more inconsiderate than making your date wait. If you need to reschedule, call as far in advance as possible -- at least a few hours' notice. If you're running even a little late, send a text.
   • 2
     Act natural -- but not too natural. Talk to your date as you would to a friend. You can tell jokes, funny stories and generally be yourself; however, leave potty humor, sex stories and bodily functions at home.
   • 3
     Ask engaging questions. Be creative. Your date will appreciate the chance to go beyond the usual first-date subjects. Ask her about the best meal she ever ate or the worst job she ever had.
   • 4
     Listen. Even if her enthusiasm about a job internship isn't of interest to you, you could still learn something new. Smile and ask engaging follow-up questions. Turn off your cell phone; you can't listen while sending a text or reading restaurant reviews.
   • 5
     Be positive. Stick to fun subjects -- travel, hobbies, good movies -- rather than complaining about your boss, your health or (a real turn-off) your ex. Show your date that you're an easygoing, optimistic person, and she'll be more likely to go on a second date with you.
   • 6
     Be polite. Even if your date is the most boring companion since the high school geometry champ, remember that she still deserves your kindness and respect. Stay for one drink or a cup of coffee and participate in the conversation. Even if it's a challenge, think of it as dating practice.

          Always bring extra cash in case of emergency.

• Avoid bringing up past relationships or talking too much about your last break-up.

Original Source 

http://www.ehow.com/how_2208610_behave-first-date.html

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